When things don’t go as we’d like them to

Dear son,

Sometimes, it is very difficult to cope with disappointments, the unexpected and setbacks. Sometimes bad news pile up; there is one thing after another. There are runs-of-bad luck or days when we get out of bed the wrong side. Things don’t go as we’d like: the match gets called off because of rain, we miss the train, the car breaks down, we fall ill and miss out on a party, important documents go missing, or we forget an appointment.

These unexpected situations can trigger all sorts of emotions: anger, tears and a great deal of frustration. Sometimes, they can even lead us to say hurtful things or lash out. They bring out the worst in us, and we can tend to blame others for our own misfortunes.

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Disappointments are often very hard to take. But you’ll have realised by now just how many of them we have to accept, because more often than we’d like to admit, they’re completely beyond our control. We live in a fallen world, and accepting this helps us to understand that things don’t always go to plan. Perfection doesn’t exist.

However, we can and must express our emotions to God, as it is our best tool for realigning ourselves and learning. We solve nothing by sweeping our frustrations under the carpet and letting them pile up.

If you read the Psalms, you will realise just how much David grieved: he addressed God with words that welled up from within him with intensity, emotion, and deep sadness and brokenness. Consider this: “How long, Lord? Will you forget me for ever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (Psalm 13:1–2); “My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” (Psalm 6:3). However, God was not distressed by David’s lament because He is able to bear all things.

We tend to ask God why. Why does He allow these circumstances of confusion and pain? Sometimes, we insist on banging our heads against a brick wall, demanding that He change the circumstances. We may even complain over and over again, thinking that this is how we can maintain our position as victims, but it doesn’t get us very far, does it? I find it very helpful to ask myself: “What is God trying to do in these circumstances?” This question helps me move from a grumpy, moralising and demanding attitude to one that is open to learning, trusting that God knows what He is doing and, moreover, He is using all these opportunities to mould me more into the image of Jesus.

Sometimes, God allows these situations so that we may learn that setbacks in our plans help us to become more patient, flexible, creative and resilient. What’s more, changes often bring with them other unexpected benefits which, ultimately, are better and necessary for us – such as having more time to rest! That’s when I realise that, in reality, they are “divine interruptions”.

God gives us the tools we need to cope with our disappointments. I encourage you to put them into practice from now on. As the saying goes: “Every cloud has a silver lining”. Or, better still, as the Word of God says: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Take heart!

I love you,

Mamá

✗ ✗ ✗

P.S. By the way, a train was cancelled today, and I missed another one – it really did me a world of good to reflect on these words!

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